If any of you have been talking to me over the summer or have read some of past posts (and let’s face it, I’m not entirely comfortable sharing this blog), you might have noticed that I was going through a pretty big funk.
I had just been rejected for an internship I wanted, not considered for a film program that I applied for and to top it all off, failed my G test an embarrassing amount of times. These tribulations, along with seeing everyone else on my classmates and colleagues doing amazing things with their jobs/internships was almost certainly enough to make me want to give up on school, jobs and relationships. I basically just wanted to give up on life.
Feeling this way is never easy. And as much as I hate crying, I found myself crying more often than I wanted. It made me feel weak and most of all, it made me feel stupid.
I guess in a way, my mentality started changing when I started working with a group of people I could not mesh well with in terms of work ethics and personality. I also joined at a really dark time in my life, so I suppose all bad decisions are made when you aren’t in the right mindset. Somehow, that gave me the confidence to back out and start anew.
I took action in my choices. I asked my parents if I could take a trip to Edmonton to visit my sister and possibly get in touch with someone who could help me with my search for an internship.
In some ways, that trip has helped me find a bit of solace. Because not only did things work out for me, it was somewhat therapeutic for me to explore a smaller city on my own. When people say things happen for a reason, I suppose they’re right. At the time, it did not feel good to be told I did not have enough confidence to work somewhere. In addition, it did not feel good to see someone else get the position you wanted instead when you know you’re just as good if not better.
But that’s besides the point. Maybe all of this is to stop thinking about others and just DO ME. (*cue Drizzy Drake*)
I’ve recently attended my school’s version of a TED Talks Conference, and have come to a conclusion. The theme was finding your 361 degrees. While that might not be mathematically correct, 361 degrees basically means getting out of your shell to make change happen. It’s a vague term and can be interpreted in whichever way you please. For me, I think I’ve found…at least I hope I have.
I love living in Toronto, but maybe going to Edmonton for an internship is the best thing for me. It’ll allow me to meet new people, make connections and get out of the shell of a big city I’ve grown so used to. It’ll be a tough adjustment. But I think I’m ready.
Bring it on.